How much do you love me
by thatswhatididnttellya
Summary: Hey, first fanfic so please be nice, lol. A different ending to Declans January visit. Sorry if its awful. I dont own any of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone. My first ever fanfic. Just got annoyed at how the stendan story is at the mo. I wrote this to cheer myself up really lol Anyway... sorry if its rubbish but the story just came to my head. Enjoy XX**

**Ashleigh's POV**

_"It's the people you love your afraid of." _

I am watching him curiously deciding whether I should push it, I know he has a temper. The way he was shifting on his feet and looking around for a distraction, any distraction from what I am saying tells me he is uncomfortable with the truth I am speaking. I can tell I am hitting a nerve but he isn't angry. I think I will risk it and go for it.

_"You care and that makes you weak"_

I can't believe I just called Brendan Brady weak. I am terrified but am trying not to show it, I can feel he is about to erupt with some long winded retaliation so I start recording him.

_"I went back because I wanted to show that guy. He needed to know that he wasn't bulletproof, his bullet was ignorance, his weakness was assumption, which meant he never saw me coming. Look around you Ashleigh all this is mine."_

I can't help but feel like I am trapped in a cage with a pissed off and hungry lion roaming his domain pinning down his prey. I am an unwelcome intruder and am about to be devoured. But he isn't stopping there he continues.

_"I survived prison, I survived the man that put me there and I can do it with anyone. Haven't you noticed? I've got everybody on a string, I'm King Ding-a-Ling, I'm the last man standing, I AM INVINCIBLE! Do you know the difference between me and the previous owner of that bullet? Do you? I've got no blind spots; I've got no hits coming in from the left no bullets coming out of the blue. Nothing can threaten me – why? Because I won't let anyone in."_

It is over, the self obsessed rant is over the shouting dying down I can breathe easy, he is wiping his hands together to imply that we are done, he is done. He is untouchable and it is the end of that discussion but someone is coming up the stairs not put off by the commotion.

_"Brendan"_

I look to the top of the stairs where a nervous looking Ste is standing. The look on Brendan's face says it all. He isn't bulletproof and he has just taken a hit to the chest.

**Brendan's POV**

I hope she gets it now I am not weak, not even close. If having to block out these feelings I have for my kids, Cheryl and S.. _Him_ is what I had to do to stay on top of things it was a small price nothing can make me stumble, nothing can affect me.

_"Brendan?"_

Steven shit. Why you? What is he doing here? What does he want?

I try to put on my best poker face not just for myself and Steven but for Ashleigh too, I can feel her eyes bearing into me, scrutinising my reaction to Steven's presence. I try to look annoyed at Ste for his bad timing. But I am holding back the thrill of seeing him here, burying the feelings I'm having. Of all the people in the world to walk in on a discussion about not needing anyone it had to him didn't it? But there he is looking gorgeous as ever.

_"I found someone wondering the village" _Ste continues as he guides a young blonde haired boy in front of him

_"His left his mam"_

What? What had just happened I felt so in control, invincible, impenetrable and now I am wavering .I feel like I have had someone whip a carpet from underneath my feet, crack me over the head with a brick and punch me in the stomach all at the same time. Before I can say anything or even think what to say, Declan talks.

_"I am all yours now dad"_

I'm still lost for words, I still feel disorientated like I'm trying to grip on to some form of reality. I manage to pull myself together. You are still staring, just act normal you idiot. I tilt my head to one side and force a reaction.

_"Hmm interesting"_

**Declan POV**

I wake up in my dad's room its clearly either late morning or early afternoon as I can see the January sun beaming through my dad's black curtains. I had to explain why I was here to my dad yesterday so I know he has left me to sleep off the travelling. I told him that I had needed to get away for mum as she was doing my head in, he seemed to get that. What a surprise? I just wanted to see him though, I know he has been acting weird since leaving prison, Chez told me. She also told me that he and Ste had a row and that dad was pushing everyone away. I didn't want dad to think that I didn't care it was mum that was the one not letting me visit him in prison. I just wanted to see him and tell him that I am fine with him and I don't care about the whole gay dad thing.

I talked to Ste last night quickly before he took me to the club. I asked him if he was with my dad now but apparently my dad sacked him. I thought I should ask him while it was just me and him as my dad is hardly likely to talk to me. I am walking out to the kitchen and my dad is sitting at the dining table. Eating a bacon and sausage sandwich. He has made me a sausage sandwich too. God I hope that's not an actual pork sausage.

"_Dad? You know I don't eat..."_

"_Its veggie sausages" _He is mumbling with his mouth full

_"Had some left in the back of the freezer, its not like anyone else is going to eat them, now is it? Devour" _

Dad is waving a hand to the seat next to him. I smile and sit.

"_Thanks. So you spoken to mum yet?"_

"_Ye, ya mum said she will be coming to get you next week so, you can stay till then, if ya wan?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Yeah...Alright well that's sorted then"._

"_Da?"_

"_Declan?"_

"_I... um... was wondering"_

"_Spit it out will ya, ya making me nervous?"_

_"Why did you fire Ste?" _

Silence.

Dad seems to be thinking about his answer like he used to when mum asked him where he had been all night, I know he is going to lie but I figure I might as well ask, I mean he has told me he is gay so maybe he will be honest again.

_"Did he dump you?"_

I think I should have timed that better dad is now half choking on his sandwich.

_"Wha? Why? We aren't? ...he didn't dump me"_

_"Ok so why?"_

_"Because he was starting to get the impression he was the boss of me and needed a telling, He kept trying to talk to me about prison and I snapped. It was either the sack or a punch that he got and as I am never going back to prison I thought firing him was the better option. Ok?"_

Dad is lying, I know his lying. What is worse is he knows that I know his lying. He is doing that fake smile he does when his cheek twitches. This trip is going to be fun. He still likes Ste but won't admit it. It's gone silent again. I am going to have to talk again.

_"I?"_

_"Ok... Right...Good... glad that's sorted, right I got to go help with a delivery. I will be back in about an hour or so and we can plan something for later. Cinema maybe?"_

_"Yeah ok, dad."_

He thinks he is off the hook. Not likely. I have an hour to get this sorted. I am grabbing my phone and leaving the flat seconds behind my dad.

Right I am at the door I hope this goes to plan. I'm knocking. It's too late now the door is opening.

_"Declan? You ok? What you doing here?"_

_"Hi Ste, I just wanted to hang out, dad is sorting a delivery. So I was bored. Can I come in?"_

I am not really asking as I am already squeezing past him. He is looking at me like he has seen this sort of confidence before. His hostile attitude slips and he is smiling now. Eww omg I remind him of dad. That's why he is smiling. Ok this should be easier than I thought.

_"Ok but not for long yeah, want a tea or something?"_

_"Yeah sure"_

I don't really drink tea or coffee for that matter but I am guessing it will help the conversation flow. I am getting my phone out my pocket. Flick through the menu. Found it. Voice recorder. Start recording. Let the fun begin.

_"Ste... can I ask you something about my dad"_

Ste is uncomfortable I can tell he wants to say no so I have to persuade him.

_"Its just I have asked him but I can tell he is lying, and I just want someone to be honest with me"_

He is still not sure. Shit. He is going to say no. He is looking at me. Ok do something dad does something small that will get a reaction. I look down at the table tilting my chin down. I'm looking up at him with my eyes only raising my eyebrows as high as possible. My dad does it when I have done something naughty and have just lied about it. It always makes me rat myself out. It seems to have the same reaction on Ste.

_"Honesty isn't something your dad is very good at. Ask me and I will try and be honest, Ok?"_

Yes it worked.

_"Thanks"_

"_What do you wanna know Declan?"_

_"Well I know you and him were...erm...like together for a bit."_

_"Right"_ He says prompting me to go on.

_"Well I was just wondering why you broke up, because he isn't very happy and I thought that maybe you could help him"_

_"I have tried helping him Dec, that's why he fired me because I dared to offer advice"_

_"Oh right, well why did you break up in the first place"_

_"It's not really something I should be talking to you about, he wouldn't be very happy to hear me talking to you"_

I need to annoy him, only a little, just enough to make him more chatty and more likely to slip up. I watched it in legally blonde. I know, not my kind of film but mum had argued with Michael and she wanted "a catch up with me boys". So anyway stuck in front of this film and this attorney guy is asking this other guy loads of questions really quickly and pushing for answers, and then he says something he shouldn't have said but it was too late. That's where I got the idea from.

_"I have talked to him and he said the reason he sacked you was because you were pushing him to talk"_

_"Yeah I was trying to get him to open up about prison, Chez was worried he wasn't talking about it"_

_"And he said you were whining at him"_

_"He told you that?"_

_"Yeah, why? Does it bother you what he thinks?"_

_"Yes ...er..."_

_"Why do you care you dumped him right?"_

_"No...I..."_

I can tell, it's like the movie. Our voices have quickened and his answers are without thought. His gonna spill, one more question and we are done.

_"Do you love him?"_

_"Yes"_

And there it was the moment had past. Ste loved my dad and it was caught on my phone. He continued though.

_"No, I dunno"_

_"It's not a difficult question is it? You either love him or you don't? I mean you can love someone and not be with them right? So do you love him?"_

_"Yes I love him but it would never work... It's complicated"_

_"Because he hit you?"_

Ste looks shocked like he didn't think I knew. I had seen dad hit him before and when I talked to Chez and Lyns that said it was because dad couldn't handle the fact he is gay.

_"Yeah"_

Stop recording. I thank Ste for the tea. He looks really confused. I had only been there a few minutes and I had got what I wanted. He looks at me like he knows he has said something he shouldn't have. But it's too late. On the way back to the flat I saved the recording as Ste's confession.

Next up dads turn. This was going to be harder... this is the part of the plan it all depended on.

**Brendan's POV**

I love my son's so much but they can really push me sometimes. Surely it is obvious I don't want to talk about _him_ to anyone, not even Deccy. I need a drink, I help myself to a glass of whiskey and down it in one and then another. The stinging feeling as it burns my throat on the way down it feels like a release, it has the same sensation as trashing something after bad news or an argument. Like it's necessary to let go but you know it won't help. I have the need to numb the pain, to dull it down, to block it out. I need to get back to the flat but since returning from prison I find it hard to be in most of the rooms. The memory of Steven feels like it's written in the walls. It feels like I am suffocating with thoughts of what could have been. All I had to do was go on holiday with him. Why did I drive off? Now he is just a constant reminder of how weak I am, all the nights in my cell thinking about him. Another drink. I want to touch him, just to hold onto his warmth and never let go, I want something pure and loving next to me so I can soak it up and become consumed by it. I want this so bad. I want Steven so bad. Another refill and down it goes. Shit I've drunk almost the whole bottle. I have to physically psych myself up to return to the flat.

As I am walking up the stairs to the flat I can feel the contrast between the cold January air and my warm throat the lingering twinge of whiskey still radiating. Right forget Steven my son is my only concern this week. I'm going to just have to push these thoughts aside. Bury them. Steer the conversation.

_"Deccy? Where are you?"_

_"In here dad, Kitchen"_

I walk to the kitchen and he is sitting up at the breakfast bar a can of coke in front of him and a steaming coffee opposite. He is playing with his phone, as long as it's not that damn DS he had last time he was here.

_"You expecting company?" _I say pointing at the coffee.

_"Na it's for you. You gonna sit and we can talk about the cinema tonight"_

It's as if he knew I would have drunk too much with a coffee at the ready. Either that or this isn't bout the cinema.

_"Yeah. Yeah ok"_

I sit down. I know my son and the look he is giving me tells me this isn't about tonight's plans.

_"Da?"_

Here we go... What's he wanna talk about prison, being...gay, Steven... please don't make it be Steven. I have had too much to drink and I am tired of lying. My willpower to steer off any unwanted topics is subsiding.

_"Yes son, what do you wanna know?_"

I try and steady myself for his reply. I am gonna have to use my poker face.

_"When you were in prison did you think about us?" _

Wha... What sort of question was that? The poker face has gone. I didn't see that one coming, I was caught off guard.

_"Yes, yes of course I did every day I thought about you all and st_..." shit bloody whiskey.

_"Ste? I know you love him dad and its ok you know, I am sure he loves ya too"_

_"He doesn't Deccy, look it's..."_

_"Complicated. I get that but why? Because you beat him up?"_

He knows the full extent of the beatings? Don't bring it up. Ignore his comment.

_"He thought I killed those girls, ok, thought I was capable of murdering 3 girls. And I know I used to hit him but that was different that was for a different reason and I have had to talk to people inside about my anger. I am not going back to prison not for anyone and I wouldn't hurt Steven ever again, I was in the wrong it was my fault we broke up" _

I can feel my pulse racing I shouldn't be saying all this I just can't stop and I have months of pent up thoughts spilling out. I'm losing control of my mouth.

_"Do you still love him?" _

Before I could stop it, before I could think of a different reply I had spoken the words I had buried and thought I would never speak again.

_"Yes I love him"_

It felt somewhat anticlimactic. The conversation ended there. Declan has his phone in his hand again and is typing something. He just got up kissed me on the head and said _"I love you dad"_ and walked into his room.

**Declan POV**

I walk into my room and save the recording of my dad "Save Brendan Confession?" I press yes. I text Lyndsey and Chez

_"I wana go 2 d cinema 2nite, dad is busy can u come wit me? It's on me. (dads paying) lol please dec x x "_

Sent.

Got a reply. Both are up for it. Have to meet them outside Chez Chez in 15mins.

Ok, now its time to sort this whole mess out. I know I shouldn't be interfering but they are both being stupid and more immature than anyone I know.

Send Brendan's confession to Ste mob?

I hit yes

I wait five mins then

Send Ste confession to dad mob?

I hit yes again.

I can hear dads phone got off in the living room. I wait silently for a few minutes.

_"DECLAN BRADY COME HERE"_

Shit his angry. I am walking through to the living room his still holding his phone but his hands are shaking. Like he doesn't know how to deal with the message.

_"I am sorry d..."_

There is a knock at the door we both looked up. I get to the door first. Yes! It was Ste.

_"Declan..."_ he looks pissed off too.

_"Your dad in?"_

_"Yeah come in"_

_"Dad can I have £40 I am going to the cinema with Chez and Lynsey and they are waiting for me and the club"_

Dad seems to have forgotten he is angry at me and is staring at Ste. Without blinking or stopping his gaze he gets £50 out his pocket and gives it to me.

_"Thanks dad. Now talk this out yeah"_ and I am running towards the door before either one of them can stop me.

As the door slammed shut I swear I heard dad say_ "So Stephen... How much do you love me?"_

_**READ AND REVIEW PLEASE. Thanks for reading my dribble lol** _**If you want me to write more I will. XXX**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry its only short but lemme know if you want me to continue. Any ideas of where to take the story more than welcome.**

**Thanks x x**

**Brendan's POV**

_"Yes I love him but it would never work... It's complicated"_

_"Because he hit you?"_

_"Yeah"_

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! That's Stephen. He still loves me? Still? Really? After everything I have done? This is... This is just...Wow. I can use this I can get back what's mine again. I'm so fed up of pushing people away. This could work. I just need to think how to work with this. Obviously I am going to have to apologise for the beatings I put him through but the talks in prison have helped. I'm gonna have to show him I am different.

Hang on.

No.

No he wouldn't have done that he is my son. But would he? He had his phone in his hand when we were talking ... When I said I loved Stephen. I'm shaking now, what's wrong with me? Would it be so bad if for once I didn't hold all the cards? But what if Deccy has sent that to Stephen? I have lost the power that's what. I need to know if he did so I can think how to handle this when I next see Stephen.

"_DECLAN BRADY COME HERE" _

Oh god no... he has he sent a recording of me to Stephen, he is avoiding my stare his looking at his shoes and shuffling like he thinks I am gonna explode. I think I might I'm still shaking and fiddling with my phone to try and distract my hands from clenching. I would never hit my kids or their mum, or any women for that matter but I can still hit walls without ending back in prison. Just concentrate on something... anything. My phone... wow isn't it a good phone, slight dents and scratches but good none the less. Deccy's gonna break the silence I can feel it... just look at your phone...head down look at your phone.

"_I am sorry d..."_

Someone's knocking at the door. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or annoyed at the timing. It's probably Chez. I am walking to the door but Declan's in front of me. I give up trying to get there first. I stop, I will leave him to it.

"_Declan"_

I know that voice, I still hear it I'm my dreams, in my nightmares. I hear it all the time I can't seem to get rid of it. My heart is racing but I'm putting forward a calm exterior. Or at least that's what I'm hoping I look like.

"_Your dad in?"_

"_Yeah. Come in."_

There he is. Stephen. Stephen is in my living room again, and I'm staring at him. Stop staring Brendan. Stop bloody staring! I can hear Deccy mumbling something.

All I am catching is cinema and money. Just give him some money. Snap out of it. I give Deccy some money. I have no idea how much he has, I still haven't taken my eyes of Stephen.

"_Now talk this out, yeah?"_

Cheeky git. My eyes have flickered to Declan and he is smiling at me. What the hell do I say to Stephen. I can't believe he still loves me. Deccy's out the door, leaving us to it. My head is tilted to one side soaking up the vision of Stephen from another angle.

"_So Stephen... How much do you love me?"_

He is smiling at me, I love that smile. I can feel my insides fluttering like butterflies but I'm not nervous. I am happy though and I have got an uncontrollable grin on my face. He seems to be thinking how to handle this.

"_Probably the same amount as you love me..."_

"_Touché...__"_

"_How does it feel to be played by your own son?"_

Now he is laughing and I am too. But the laughter is dying and I can tell this conversation is gonna turn.

"_Stephen, I'm sorry"_

Stephen looks like he does when I have punched him in the ribs, pure shock. But now he isn't fearful he is intrigued.

"_For what? The beatings? The firing? The snog fest with the random guy in front of me and your sister?"_

Well all of it. All of a sudden I realise that I have coughed and am rubbing the back of my neck, He has noticed. He knows I am nervous I have lost the control...The power...The upper hand has gone. I either throw him out and ruin this or I open up and he may just stay around.

"_Look Stephen, You know I'm not good at this talking about feelings stuff, Yeah?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_So just don't storm off in a strop if I am saying this all wrong."_

"_I don't strop"_

I stifle a laugh. So does Stephen. But he is looking at me to continue.

"_Ok...Ok you don't strop. Anyway. Erm... I am sorry for all of it, Ok? Look while I was in prison I had to take anger... erm... I had to talk to someone about stuff. I talked about everything... about you and my dad and other things like being...gay."_

Stephen is staring at me. His mouth is open a little bit, in shock. I feel like his eyes are boring into me into my soul.

"_So you went to angry management classes?"_

"_If that's what you wanna call it...Yeah"_

"_Wow"_

"_Yeah well I didn't really get a choice, did I? I am sorry Stephen, for the beatings. I am... I really am..."_

Bloody hell. I am shaking and I am crying. Why the bloody hell am I crying. Man up you idiot. It's too late his seen. I wipe away the tears. Sniff and stare at him.

"_And about firing you, I wasn't... I didn't want...Erm... You do know me better than anyone and I didn't like the fact you were pushing me to open up, I wasn't ready."_

"_And now?"_

"_And now what?"_

"_Are you ready to talk about it?"_

"_Er not really... not yet. But one day soon yeah...?"_

"_Ok...and the random guy?"_

"_Him...? Well I... He was a... distraction"_

"_Distraction from what?"_

"_You"_

"_Ok"_

"_Ok? I'm telling you I needed a distraction from wanting to sleep with...to kiss... to be with you"_

"_To be with? What as in a relationship, an out-and-proud couple?_

"_Yeah Stephen. The whole package."_

"_And do you still need a distraction or do you actually want me now?"_

**Ste's POV**

"_I want you now."_

OH MY GOD! Are we really gonna do this again. If we are gonna try we have to get everything sorted now before anything else happens. I have to confront him about the fact I didn't believe he was innocent.

"_But I thought you killed those girls, doesn't that bother you?"_

He is thinking. He is doing that shuffle thing he does where I know this can go one of two ways. Either he is gonna push me away again or he is gonna let me in.

"_It did bother me, but what did I expect after you know... hurting you and... Danny"_

He is letting me in, this could work.

"_We both know the reasons you were hurting me, and now everyone knows... all your family, Declan obviously doesn't mind as he wants us together". _

I'm walking toward him as I am speaking, It's like my legs have taken over and he is aware how close I am to him, I can almost hear his heart racing, his breathing has sped up, and so has mine.

"_And Danny was threatening to hurt me. I was grieving for Rae, I knew deep down you wouldn't hurt a girl, I just wanted someone to blame to take away my guilt, I'm sorry I did that."_

I'm so close I can smell his breath a familiar mix of whiskey and coffee, his body smells so good. I miss that smell so much. It doesn't really smell like anything in particular its just Brendan's scent. Like Amy used to smell sort of soft, like freshly cut grass with a mix of sudocrem. Why the hell am I thinking about Amy? Now I'm closer I can smell Brendan's Calvin Klein cologne it really suits him, it's intoxicating.

"_S'ok"_

Shit. I'm almost touching him and he is breathing heavily, so heavily in fact I can feel every breath as a breeze on my face. His hand is on the back of my neck. We are moving in closer, our foreheads our resting together and I have my eyes closed. I can almost taste his lips... its going to happen we are going to kiss.

I can hear nothing but our heartbeats and our breathing... and the front door opening and...

"Look, Chez cant we go bowling or something"

"No Deccy, I'm sorry that there was nothing good at the cinema but neither of us fancies bowling, maybe tomor..."

Brendan has pulled away... looking at his sister, Lynsey and Declan all of which are staring at us. Cheryl is speaking.

"Brendan, what's going on?"

For god's sake. He hasn't changed he is still embarrassed by me, he still isn't ok with us. I'm going to leave. But Brendan still has his right hand on my neck holding me close. He hasn't backed away he has just stood upright. It was as if he had read my mind, I can see him thinking, and I can feel his hand on my neck getting clammy. I can even hear him swallow. But he is looking at me now. Straight in my eyes like he needs me, like he knows me. Brendan's hand is loosely on the base of my back. But it isn't his right hand. He has both hands holding me still. In front of his son, friend and sister his kissing me. I'm kissing him. It feels so right but its not snogging. I think I can forgive him for not wanting to get carried away in front of his family.

"EWWW DAD get a room!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone, hope is ok, was having a conversation with my mum about fb and this happened. So based loosely on real life events lol hope you enjoy! Please R&R!**

**Declan's POV**

OMG! Dad just kissed Ste! OMG OMG! Oh my bloody God! That's great... But also that's so gross. That is...Eww he is my dad.

_"EWWW DAD! Get a room!"_

Oops maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Ste is whispering in Dad's ear but whatever it is dad is smiling so it can't have been bad news. And now he is walking past me and he is out the door. Dad is looking at the ground and shuffling his left foot on the floor as if he is rubbing a mark off the wood trying to look unfazed. I can see through this though. I have always been quite good at reading people I think I have got that talent from my dad. However, usually I can't read him, not my Dad. He is the master of disguising his feelings but today is different, today he is almost transparent. He is nervous, he is embarrassed and he sure as hell doesn't want to talk about the topic Chez is raising.  
><em><br>"Brendan, what in gods name was that?"_

_"That...Chez is called a human being... That particular one goes by the name of Stephen."_

That's more like the normal dad I know, pure sarcasm.__

_"Don't get smart with me, Brendan. Why are you messing with that poor boys head? You can't sack him, pull someone else in front of him, then try and win him back."_

_"I'm not messing with his head Chez. We are giving it another go."_

_"Why? You still can't admit who you are."_

_"Look I'm not talking to you about this. It's between me and him, end of." _

I really don't want them arguing so I interrupt.

_"Well I think its great dad. You make a cute couple"_

Maybe that was too far dad slightly flinched at him and Ste being called a cute couple.

"_Er... thanks... I think. I am going out for a pint will be back soon then me and you can watch a DVD, yeah? Seeing as the cinema didn't work out. Sound good?"_

I know he is meeting Ste. He needs to though. I bet they have a lot to talk about. I really wanted to come back much later so they could have sorted this out but I'm not sitting through a rubbish film and Lyns and Chez didn't wanna go bowling.

"_Yeah dad sounds good."_

**Ste's POV**

I really can't believe all that just happened. I know this is going to take time and a lot of trust but I have to believe he is changing. Its not like Brendan can pretend his not gay anymore everyone knows and the anger management classes in prison should help him deal with his temper. My head is swirling with thoughts of the past, the present and what the future holds for me and Brendan. I'm so deep in thought that I am caught off guard when Dodger yells at me.

"_Oi! Cloth ears! Do you want a drink or not?"_

"_Oh...Yeah...Sorry. I will have a pint of fosters and a Jameson's"_

"_Ice?"_

"_No neat please mate."_

By the time I have the drinks in my hands, have paid and am scouting out a secluded spot Brendan has walked through the doors. He has chosen a spot, not as secluded as I would expect from him. I walk over passed a group of giggling girl students drinking alcopops and eyeing Brendan up. I have passed Brendan his drink.

"_Here"_

He downed it. I haven't even sat down yet. His leg is bouncing up and down and he is swirling the tiny amount of liquid in the bottom of his glass. I am still standing feeling awkward. Should I offer to buy him another one?

"_O...Kay? Do you want me to get you another?"_

"_Oh... Erm... Yeah"_

He looks embarrassed as if he didn't want me to see him steadying his nerves with his favourite drink. Back to the bar then.

I'm back with another whiskey. I'm holding it till I have sat down this time. I slide the glass towards him and as he takes it our hands touch for a split second. It's like a static shock. Both our attentions are drawn to the moment. The rest of the students and the chitter-chatter around us has disappeared and it is just me and him. Brendan and I. It fells like this was aways meant to be. Brendan hasn't flinched at the touch or looked around to see other people's reactions like he normally would.

"_Right so we are giving this ago then?"_

"_Well I bloody hope so otherwise I'm going to have to explain to Chez that I lied to her again"_

"_So you told her then"_

"_Yes Stephen, I could hardly say nothing happened, she was watching"_

"_Yeah, I know. What did she say?"_

"_Does it matter? Is my sister's opinion really going to change your mind?"_

"_No. Course not. I was just wondering if she was please that we have finally decided to talk"_

"_As it happens she isn't pleased, she thinks I'm going to mess with your head"_

"_And are you?"_

"_No Stephen, look we have talked about this. I might not be totally ok about being..." _

"_About being..."_

Before I can finish the sentence Brendan cuts in.

"_GAY"_

Brendan had raised his voice to try and speak before me but I could tell that he was now uncomfortable with saying it this loud. He almost recoiled. The way he had said it was like he had to admit it, like he had to prove to me that he was capable of saying it. Although he might not be able to walk around and say it to anyone he can finally admit it to me. He can say the words...I'm gay Stephen.

"_Look, I might not be completely ok with it yet, but I'm not hiding it, am I? I want you Stephen and if it means I'm gonna have to be in a proper relationship to keep you with me it's worth it."_

"_I'm worth holding hands in public with?"_

"_Yeah, if that's what you want"_

"_I don't expect you to hold my hand in public, Brendan"_

It was true the thought of Brendan and me walking to the cinema hand in hand was hilarious.

"_Then what do you want? I thought you wanted to be a couple?"_

"_I do, but I don't expect you to change who you are, I mean you're not really a PDA kinda guy. But that's fine as long as you don't hide the fact we are together"_

"_PDA?"_

"_Oh ... It means public displays of affection"_

"_Right, ok. So we are together now then right?"_

"_Well I am sat next to you Brendan"_

"_Don't push it, you know what I mean"_

"_Yes Brendan you are officially my boyfriend."_

"_Jesus Mary and Joseph...Your boyfriend?"_

"_Yeah at last"_

"_Yeah... Ok. Right well I got to go, I said to Declan I would have a DVD night with him, just me and him. I haven't spent anytime with him since he has been back. Oh and you can have your job back if you want. Or you could do some shifts here and there till you find another job. S'up to you."_

"_Yeah ok I will come back, when do you need me?"_

"_Need someone to do 8 till 2 tomorrow night. Want to?"_

"_Yeah ok that's fine. Will you be closing up with me?"_

"_Yeah I am"_

"_Cool well..."_

And I am leaning forward and kissing him

"...See you tomorrow BABE"

HA. Brendan's face at being called babe was hilarious. He even smiled after the initial shock had worn off.

**Brendan's POV**

"_Hey lil man, so you picked what film you wanna watch?"_

"_No the only thing you have in this house is chick flicks"_

"_Well I do live with two women"_

"_Yeah two women and a gay guy, what did I expect?"_

Cheeky git. He really has got a good sense of humour.

"_HA aren't you hilarious?"_

"_Yeah I am aren't I? How about you text Ste see if he has got anything better than "What women want"?"_

"_Yeah ok, just me and you tonight though? Just father son bonding?"_

"_Yeah Dad, I have meddled enough"_

"_Yeah I suppose you have"_

I can't believe I am texting Stephen. He is going to think I can't get enough of him. Well I can't get enough of him, but he doesn't need to know that. I send a message that says:

_Hey "BABE". We only have chick flicks in the house. Do you have anything we can burrow? Something that won't make me beat myself over the head with a baseball bat halfway through. Got to be under an 18! Thanks BB_

It's not long before I get a reply:

_Hey HUNNY BUN. Lol. dont av many mostly kiddy films n chick flicks. I only av "Batman, The Dark Knight", "The Lord of the Rings" boxset, "The Matrix Collection", "The Longest Yard" (Set in prison so might wanna avoid x) and "Limitless". Lemme know..._

"_Right...Ok the only ones he has that aren't either kids films, chick flicks or 18's are: The dark knight, all of the lord of the rings films, the matrix collection, the longest yard and limitless. Any good?"_

"_Yeah I like all of them except "the longest yard". I haven't seen limitless or batman. Can you ask him if we can burrow both?"_

I know Deccy likes "The Longest Yard" I have watched it with him before and he thought it was the dogs bollocks but I'm not gonna push the matter. It's quite sweet that he is trying to protect me from a prison based film.

_Call me hunny bun again and I will tell Amy what we got up to in her bed when she was away! Lol Limitless and Batman and I can give them back 2mz at work. I will come round and get them in a min. X_

Seconds later came the reply.

_OK...ok! Don't you dare tell her that, she would kill me. Already on way to drop em off see u in min. X x_

"_Ok he said he will bring them round. I will go and get two blankets. Do you want to get the bottle of coke from the fridge?"_

"_Ok. Yeah, are you having coke as well?"_

"_Yeah. Why not?"_

As I came down the stairs after fighting for what felt like an age with the damn airing cupboard for two blankets there was a knock at the door. Declan opened it.

"_Hey Ste, come in"_

"_Thanks, here you are"_

Ste gave Deccy a carrier bag. He is now looking up to where I am standing. I feel a bit embarrassed as one of the blankets is neon pick and covered in flowers but I'm trying to hide my discomfit. Thanks Chez!

"_Hey"_

"_Hi Stephen"_

Thank god he isn't calling me hunny bun in front of Deccy. I think I would die of shame.

"_In the bag is the two DVD's and some microwave popcorn, its salt. Me and Ames don't like it so I thought you could have it"_

"_Yeah, thanks Stephen"_

I had an idea who the popcorn had belonged to but didn't want to bring her up.

"_Why do you have salt popcorn in the house if no one eats it?"_

Shit. Thanks Deccy. I'm looking at Stephen.

"_It was... "_

Stephen is looking at his feet and he looks like he is trying to fight back tears. I knew 100% that it had been Rae's popcorn and he has paused, cant get the words out. I thought I would help him out.

"_It was one of his mates, Deccy "_

"_Oh right, well cheers we like salt don't we dad?"_

Ste was mouthing thank you to me.

"_Yeah, yeah we do."_

"_Cool well I better be off amy is in a foul mood today"_

"_Ha! I wonder why?"_

Stephen smiled. He had told her then. I felt sort of warm with pride.

"_Yeah, well anyway enjoy your lads night."_

And he was gone. I miss him already. Fuck! Did I really just think that! God I am pussy whipped! I think or is it cock whipped? OH SHUT UP BRAIN!

**Declan's POV**

"_Cool, so are we gonna have a late night and watch both films Dad? Chez told me you don't have work till tomorrow night so we could stay up late and have a lay in?"_

"_Yeah...Yeah sounds good, which first? Limitless or Batman?"_

"_Batman"_

Once I had put the DVD in I turned to look at dad. He had spread out on one sofa with the black blanket. I didn't want to be over the other side of the room. I wanted to be close to my dad. I'm not a baby I didn't want cuddles but I did want to be close to him, He seemed to guess what I was thinking as he shuffled to the edge and put he legs on the coffee table instead. I copied him and started the film.

Batman was bloody good, I really liked it. Dad grunted when I asked him about it but I knew he enjoyed it too.

When it ended it got up and did the popcorn and dad changed the films. While the microwave was popping for 3 mins I told dad about my girlfriend in Ireland.

"_Aww my lil mans all grown up, so what's she like? What's her name? "_

How patronising!

"_She is called Fiona, She is brilliant, She is really pretty, but she doesn't know it, she is a bit of a tom-boy."_

"_Oh right, how did you meet her then school?"_

"_Oh no, she goes to my football club, she is really good"_

"_So how did she bag one of the Brady lads then?"_

I could tell he was mocking. If his tone wasn't hint enough the rustling of my hair would have given it away.

"_Shut up dad! How did Ste bag you?"_

I could see he was trying to think of a retort. But the microwave was bleeping.

"_Saved by the bell Dad"_

"_Mhmm"_

"_So he has forgiven you then?"_

"_Yeah I guess I just need to show him I'm not going to hurt him again and I need to show him I like him enough to be with him"_

Dad is swirling the last of the coke in the bottom of his glass around. I can tell he isn't really comfortable having this conversation with me. I'm thinking about the way I got Fiona's attention and told her I liked her, I couldn't do it at the club she was always surrounded by boys and she is stunning and the only girl on the team. So I found her on Facebook and talked to her on there. Dad drank the last of his drink.

"_Why don't you just poke him? Then talk to him."_

OMG dad just spat the whole of the mouthful of coke out. What the hell? God now he has turned into a babbling idiot!

"_Wha...I...Erm...This isn't something... I'm not gonna...do that"_

Dad is turning bright red and trying to mop up the mess he has made.

"_Ok well throw a sheep at him then if you don't wanna poke him"_

Now he looks confused.

"_What are you on about Deccy?"_

"_On Facebook, when you poke someone or throw stuff at them it means you like them"_

"_Oh right, Yeah Facebook, course. I think I will just talk to him."_

"_Oh right ok, but you are a proper couple now, like boyfriends?"_

"_Yes he is my...We are a...Stephen is my boyfriend"_

Dad said it with him head down looking at the floor, I think I better change the subject as I don't want him in a bad mood.

"_Ok, are we gonna watch this film now?"_

"_Yeah...Yeah ok"_

Dad seems to have calmed down from his random nervous breakdown. I have no idea why he even reacted like that...

The film has started.

The boring bit at the beginning with the soundtrack and the names...

Then it hits me

OH MY FUCKING GOD! Poke Stephen, he actually thought I was talking about... sex with Stephen not Facebook. God my dad's mind is pure filth. Now I am bright red.

Luckily the moment has past and dad is stuffing his face with popcorn like an animal watching the film. I am not going to ever mention this again. EVER! I'm shaking my head and smiling... dirty old perv. Ha!

I get halfway through the second film and I start to notice I'm not really watching it, I have snuggled into my dad's side and his arm is around me smothering me in the warmth from his body and I'm drifting off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Brendan's POV**

At the end of the film I look down and Deccy is snuggled up against me snoring softly. I lift him up slightly and roll up the pink blanket to use as a pillow. As I lower Declan's head slowly he stirs. His eyes are trying to focus on me.

"_S'all right son, go back to sleep. You are ok here."_

And he does. He is already snoring again. I cover him up in the other blanket. Just as I leave for my bedroom I turn and look at Declan. I'm filled with a feeling of warmth rushing through my body and forcing an uncontrollable smile to spread across my face, the feeling is undoubtedly pride.

"_Night son"_

As I climb into bed my thoughts wonder to Stephen, My Stephen. This is going to be the best night sleep I have had since July. No screaming inmates crying for there mummy's or praying to god, no thoughts of losing Stephen and never winning him back, No thoughts of Foxy and what he could be up too...Just a pure uninterrupted relaxing deep sleep.

**Declan's POV**

God Cheryl is bloody noisy she certainly doesn't understand the definition of stealthy. She is tiptoeing down the stairs into the front room. I don't know why she is bothering as my ma would put it she sounds like a "herd of elephants". She has noticed I'm awake. I look for dad but he must be in bed, I didn't hear him get up. I can't believe he is still in bed but Dad does like his sleep I guess. He always has and he can sleep through anything him. Ma used to say that he would be able to sleep through a war, I used to argue the fact that dad wouldn't be in bed if there was something like a war threatening our lives because he would be taking them all out with a machine gun.

I'm up and walking towards Chez in the kitchen, she has that look in her eye, the same one she had when I was ten and she told me to hide in the kitchen cupboard and scare my dad when he when to get something. She is such fun. It had taken a while to empty the "drinks cupboard" but we did it and hid the bottles then I had to squeeze in. When dad came home Chez asked him to get her out a bottle of wine and I jumped out and scared him. It was hilarious. It was always like that with aunty Chez there. Always pranks to be played and dad is really good at them too. He always bides his time waits till you forget about it then he pounces and scares the bejesus outta ya. Fun though. It hasn't been like that in a while. But she is giving me that look. Ha she cracks me up.

She has passed me a saucepan and a wooden spoon. What? She expects me to cook?

"_Go on love, go wake ya da up."_

Oh I get it. Me and Chez are standing in his room. It is so silent it feels unnatural. Not for long...

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Oh and he is up. He looks so pissed off and more than a bit confused. Chez is laughing hysterically as always. He is looking at me now like he has finally worked out what's happened and I can feel a massive grin spread across my face.

"_Morning da"_

I can't help laughing. He looks so shocked.

"_Ye think that's funny do ye?"_

"_Hilarious actually"_

He can't help smiling too.

"_Umm hmm, right well I think you better apologise don't you?"_

"_Yeah right. You can't make me"_

"_Is that right?"_

Oh crap is he going to chase me? The answer is yes... shit run! I got halfway into the kitchen when he caught up with me. He has always been fast.

"_You're pretty fast for an old man"_

"_Old man? Me? This son is the face of youth"_

We are both in hysterics he is pinning me to the floor and messing my hair up.

"_Enough boys c'mon get up and get yourselves some breakfast."_

Playtimes over! God I have missed my da.

**Brendan's POV**

God he is a cheeky lil git that boy. I can't believe it has gone back to how it was before. Like we haven't spent anytime apart at all. I was excited when he turned up but secretly I was hoping he didn't see or feel the change. We have spent so much time apart I didn't want it to be awkward for me and him. His my son I should just know what he is thinking and what he likes. I'm feeling quietly confident about this visit now though. I feel like I have finally got everything right. Everything is in place the way it should be. I have Stephen, My Stephen back and he isn't going anywhere and Deccy and I are the perfect picture of father son bonding. I think for the first time I am content. I feel like I have nothing to worry about, nothing to hold me back from having fun and enjoying life. I haven't felt like this in... Well forever.

"_Want some food? Got porridge? We are out of veggie stuff"_

"_Yeah porridge dad, Can you make it like you used to though?"_

I look at him and he smiles. He remembers that?

"_Sure"_

Once the porridge is hot I add two spoonfuls of chocolate spread.

"_Still have a sweet tooth then kiddo?"_

"_Yeah da, ma never adds chocolate only you. What time is it?"_

"_Around 2"_

"_Cor! We really did have a lay in didn't we? Was worth it those films were good"_

"_You liked the second one? Because I'm pretty sure you fell asleep drawling and snoring and mumbling about Fiona"_

Ha! Bless him he is a nice shade or red right now. He isn't answering and is just shovelling the porridge in his mouth at a speed I'm certain will be burning him mouth.

"_I'm only messing Deccy. Except for the snoring"_

"_I don't snore! I'm just a heavy breather"_

"_That's what your mother used to say, and I can assure you it wasn't the "bedroom monster" you could hear growling at night it was her."_

We are both laughing.

"_I'm gonna tell her you said that"_

"_Go on then I have called her snoring worse."_

As I look up I see Cheryl smiling at us, we must look like we are bonding. It defiantly feels like he is opening up.

"_So how are my two favourite boys?"_

"_Yeah good, what are we doing tonight? As dad is working"_

"_Well I thought we could go bowling. You, me, Lyndz and we could ask Ste along to make up numbers"_

"_Ah, Well I gave him his job back Chez he is doing the 8-2 shift. How about Mitzeee?"_

Before Chez can start questioning if reinstating Stephen is a good idea Deccy speaks.

"_Who's Mitzeee?"_

"_Oh...You will like her."_

"_How do you know I will like her da?"_

"_Trust me any male with a pulse likes Mitzeee"_

Declan has caught on to the fact she must be pretty. Me and Chez are trying to hide our smiles.

"_You mean any male with a pulse who isn't into Ste?"_

Chez is in hysterics. Thanks for the support sis.

"_Right lil comedian you are recently"_

"_Alright lads I will invite Mitzeee, Are you gonna be ok with going bowling with three women?"_

"_Oh I'm sure I can manage"_

Ha I bet you can son.

Deccy had spent most of the day glued to the constant bleeping of his phone. I imagined it was is girlfriend. I asked who it was once and after being counter-blocked by questions on Ste I thought better of asking again. The start of my shift came along quicker than I imagined it would. I had had a shower and got into black trousers and the red shirt that makes Stephen's eyes gleam when he see's me wearing it... He thinks his reaction is subtle and unnoticeable Ha it is NOT. It feels like everything is going in the right direction for once. I didn't even let the chorus of:

"_Oooooooooooo trying to impress Ste are we?"_

From chez and Lyndz affect me.

"_Is Ste staying over tonight dad? Cause I wanna go for a kick about tomorrow and everyone knows you're useless at footie"_

"_I dunno, I didn't think...you...I didn't think...he..."_

Shut up brain and just stop blabbing you idiot. I decide on the truth.

"_I dunno"_

"_Well ask him yeah?"_

Before I knew what I was agreeing to I had said yes and was walking toward the club.

The club was packed tonight. Apparently the SU bar had a private function planned but something had gone wrong. I didn't have any opportunity tonight to do the books and hide in my office, we only had Stephen and Rhys serving tonight as this sort of crowd wasn't expected. I never really mind when we are slammed and Stephen is working, under pressure his confidence grows and he just seems to ooze with charm, when there is no one about he fidgets restlessly and makes the place look untidy. My phone is bleeping...A text from Chez:

_Hey Love, Deccy is on the blow up bed in my room so you have your room to yourself tonight. Just try to keep the noise down, yeah? ; ) x x _

Oh my lord, that is embarrassing. I'm not replying to that.

I didn't find out what had happened to the SU bar till around 12 when I was skilfully cornered by three intoxicated students explaining that there was something wrong with the plumbing and the toilets had flooded the bar. NICE! I could feel Ste's eyes on me, I knew he was watching me I didn't need to look at him to find that out but I did it anyway. He seemed to find my predicament amusing. The queue at the bar was flowing steadily and no one was waiting. The three girls didn't seem to be in any rush to bugger off. They were certainly not shy and their shameless flirting was quite embarrassing. My usual trick of flirting enough to please them and making an excuse to exit was failing me and I couldn't fathom a reason as to why. For the first time in my life I actually wished I could publically kiss Stephen to get these irritating girls to sod off and leave me alone. I'm being bombarded with questions. Some subtle, some ridiculously forward.

"_Hey, are you here with anyone?"_

"_You do you want a drink?"_

"_What's you mobile number?"_

"_Hey, maybe you could show me what's inside the staff only room?"_

"_Wanna come back to mine?"_

Stephen is a mind reader. Well sort of. Maybe he didn't come and kiss me but he was coming over.

"_Sorry Ladies, He is taken"_

"_Wait... no... Taken by who? Where is she then? Ever heard the saying while the cats away the mouse can play"_

God do girls ever give up? I looked at Stephen I was trying to hide the smug smile that was crawling over my face though. And then he spoke.

"_The cat is not away, I'm standing in front of you"_

"_Oh...What? Your both gay? Dam it's always the fit ones. "_

She was right about that Stephen looked gorgeous.

"_I thought I would save you"_

"_Ha. Yeah thanks"_

"_No worries"_

Stephen was about to walk back behind the bar when I stopped him, I grabbed his arm and swung him to face me.

"_Wha...? I have people to serve"_

"_I know just a quick question, D'you want to come back to mine tonight?"_

"_I thought you would wanna wait till Declan had gone home"_

"_Well, you thought wrong"_

"_Er...Ok"_

"_There are two conditions"_

"_Which are?"_

"_You have to play footie with Deccy in the morning"_

"_Ok, And...?"_

"_And you have to be less vocal tonight, if ye catch me drift"_

"_Ha! You think a lot of yourself don't ya! I can be dead quiet me!"_

"_Can you? I guess there's a first time for everything, now chop chop back to work"_

I can't stop smiling. The rest of the night flows quickly and I spent most of it leaning against the office doorframe watching Stephen serve punters. All in all it was an uneventful night despite the large volume of customers. By the time I have cashed up and filled in the takings form Stephen and Rhys have tidied the whole club.

"_Don't worry about bottling up lads, I'll do it tomorrow"_

"_Alright, I'll get off then... Do you know why we were packed tonight?"_

"_Ye apparently the toilets have flooded the bar at the SU bar, It will take them a long time to sort. We are gonna be busy for a while. Cheers Rhys for working hard tonight. Usually for that crowd I would want 5 staff, so I have given you both a bonus and that's your half of the tips as well...don't spend it all at once"_

"_Cheers Brendan"_

Now it's just me and Stephen.

"_I really got a bonus?"_

"_Ye and this time you actually did earn it"_

"_Hey, I always earn it. I'm a hard worker me?"_

"_Course you are"_

"_Right, Well where is my tips and bonus?"_

"_Well here are your tips and do you want your bonus in cash or in kind?"_

"_Well do be honest I'm gonna say cash."_

"_You're turning ME down? Really?"_

"_No because as my boyfriend the "kind" bit should already be included"_

That is true. I hadn't thought about that. And the promise of sex is making me feel calmer about the word "_boyfriend"_ being thrown in the conversation.

"_Ok here is you bonus, Right you turn off the lights and I will set the alarm."_

**Please R+R. Thanks everyone for the comments and the faves! Please keep them coming as they help so much x x x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, never written a sex scene in my life so sorry if my dirty mind isnt translated into good stendan smut lol anyway as always please plase read and review. All comments are a help and any ideas what you want in the next chapter just let me know. Thanks x x **

**Ste's POV**

It is 3am by the time we get to Brendan's. All the lights are off in the house and it is dead silent. I know this is a big step for Brendan although everyone is asleep at the moment everyone knows I am staying and I know the morning will be awkward. It is a big move for Brendan and if he pulls this off without freaking out we could actually work. There is a difference between people knowing about us being together and people seeing we are together. But for tonight it's easy, it's normal and it is uncomplicated. Once inside I walk into Bren's bedroom I don't want him to think that I want to get caught but I want him so bad and that red shirt isn't helping. He looks gorgeous in anything but that shirt just makes him... there isn't even a word to describe it. Every time I see him in that it reminds me of the first time he kissed me and it sends shivers down my spine, luckily he doesn't know what it does to me or I think he would buy more and wear them constantly.

Once in his room I turn around and he is closer than I thought he was.

"_Remember Stephen, stay quiet"_

We haven't had sex since the beginning of august and the sexual tension is unbearable. He hasn't even touched me and I'm rock hard. He knows...how can he not know? We are standing so close I can feel his pulse. Sometimes it's the build up to the kiss, the expectation of it that makes it breath-taking and Brendan knows this. I can hear drum-rolling my head. I feel Brendan's hand snake around the back of my neck pulling me into his lips so I push him up against the closed door. He lets out a groan that was either pain or lust. Kissing Brendan isn't like breathing like some people say. Don't get me wrong I feel like I need it, like my life depends on it. But it feels more like coke too an addict like the effect can be dangerous but you don't care because the rush outweighs the risks. The lack of it won't kill me but will make me shake and ache in pain. I feel his lips on mine and its pure ecstasy. He is pushing his tongue into my mouth and pulling me tighter towards him. The kiss is passionate and fast. Like we both believe this moment could end right here. I can almost feel all the blood in my body flood to my dick. As if Brendan knows what I'm thinking his other hand reaches for my trousers, undoing my zipper and button one handed. Now that is a skill. I step out of them and start undoing his trousers in return although I don't break the kiss I do have to remove my hands from his waist and neck to use them both to get them off him. Brendan breaks for air first but uses the loss to his advantage getting me topless and on the bed. I'm laying on my back looking up at him and he starts to unbutton his shirt.

"_Wait..."_

Brendan looks confused like I'm rejecting him by putting the brakes on but I want him to keep that shirt on it does indescribable things to me.

"_Leave it on"_

"_I'm not in the habit of following demands Stephen."_

"_Ok... Leave it on please?"_

The half pleading half ordering usually works and today is no exception. Although Brendan is a strong guy physically, mentally he can act like a deer. If you get too close he will freak out and run. He has to be in control all the time or at least believe he is in control. By me "begging" he sees it as my weakness. He doesn't need to reply with words the fact that he has removed both his and my boxers and is kissing me again. My breath hitches as his hands slowly wrap round my cock and start to work it. I'm doing the same to him and he is groaning in appreciation. As he speeds up the pace I match it but he pulls away. I'm glad as I don't feel like I am gonna last long I want him so bad it almost hurts. He grabs some lube and a condom from the bedside table drawer. I am glad as I haven't had sex in a while so it could be uncomfortable without it. Brendan tears the condom wrapper open with his teeth. It is quite possibly the sexiest thing in the world, that and watching him give me head. Brendan leans forward and I raise my neck to kiss him, soaking in his taste. As the kiss heats up Brendan takes the opportunity to insert a well lubed finger in me. As the initial shock and discomfort dies the pleasure kicks in. He has never had a problem finding the spot that makes me want to scream his name as loud as possible. Another finger and I'm writhing around in pleasure and my breathing has become erratic. I let Brendan know I want him and I'm ready for him by wrapping my legs around his back and forcing him closer. It always makes him smile when I do that. He removes his fingers and replaces them with his cock. I take a sharp intake of breathe as he pushes himself deep inside me. I love watching his face as he enters me. I watch as his eyes look to the ceiling, he bites his lip and he holds his breath. I start the movement pushing myself toward Brendan as I pull on the lower sides of his shirt to bring him closer. The thrusting becomes faster and deeper. We have only been doing this for a matter of minutes when I feel the build but rushing through me. Brendan must be close to cumming as he has gripped my cock and is pumping it in time with his thrusts. It doesn't take long till we both release...

"Oh...Fuck"

"Bren... I'm gonna..."

The whole of my body is tingling and shaking as the wave of pleasure sweeps over me. I'm trying to concentrate on Brendan and making sure he cums too but this intense feeling is flooding my mind, body and soul. Then I hear it... Brendan has never been very vocal the odd expletive here and there but mostly just grunts and moans. As Brendan's body goes ridged he lets out a deep groan and his body relaxes.

It was short but sweet for both of us but who cares when the orgasm is that intense. He pulls out slowly, wipes my cum off his hand and my stomach, chucks the used condom and tissues in the bin, and lays on his back next to me, panting. As my heart rate starts to steady out Brendan says

"_Sorry it was quick, I haven't had sex since July, Stephen"_

"_Yeah? Me neither"_

So he didn't sleep with that guy from the club at New Years? Good. Good.

"_Still good though, Right"_

"_Yeah perfect as always."_

"_By the way... I like the socks Stephen...Hearts eh?"_

I look down to see I still had my socks on. One was Amy's black with pink hearts on it the other was mine navy with Mr Happy written on. Oh the shame. Please Kill Me Now!

"_S'up. I couldn't find mine this morning"_

"_No Stephen, Really? And there was me thinking you buy socks with pink hearts all over them"_

"_Hilarious Brendan, they are Amy's..."_

"_Umm humm"_

Brendan is lying on his back with his eyes closed

"_Brendan can I have a photo of us?"_

"_What I'm laying right next to you"_

"_Yeah but I would be nice to have a photo of me and my boyfriend"_

He is fidgeting. He doesn't say a word. Just sits up and takes off his shirt and tidies the room. He picks up the discarded clothes and put them over a chair in the corner of his room. He puts the lube back in the drawer before returning back to bed. I can tell I am pushing it. I decide to give up before he gets angry and I ruin things.

"_Don't worry Bren. Maybe another day."_

"_Ye, another day" _

After about 10 minutes of lightly tracing my fingers over Brendan's chest his breathing becomes louder. He is snoring. I'm lying on my side snuggled up to Brendan with my head on his chest, His arm that is wrapped around my shoulders has just relaxed and has become limb and heavy. I look up at him and he looks so peaceful when his sleeping like all the things that haunt his conscious mind fade to nothing and he is happy, content with a man in his bed with no self hate or judgement. I reach over to my phone. I just want to capture a picture of him in this relaxed state. I cuddle into him a bit closer and raise the phone above us. I won't tell him. He never has to know.

I take the picture then as I reach up to my phone with my other hand it slips through my fingers. FUCK. It has hit Bren straight in the face.

"_Wha...What the fuck? Stephen."_

"_Erm..."_

"_Are you gonna explain why I just got woken up to being smacked in the face by your phone?"_

"_I just..."_

"_Stephen?"_

"_I was taking a picture"_

"_Of me? Of us?"_

"_Yeah"_

Oh well done Stephen you dick! Why did you have to ruin things? He is surely going to kick me out of bed and send me home. We are 100% over... I know it. Then he does something to surprise me.

"_Well let's see it then?"_

"_What?"_

"_The photo...Let me see it"_

"_Oh...um...There you go"_

As I pass him the phone with the picture on it I'm praying to god he will not lash out. I am concentrating on his facial expressions waiting for a hint of what reaction is to come.

"_Hmm"_

He is smiling but I have learnt that isn't necessarily a good thing.

"_Hmm what?"_

He seems to notice I have subconsciously shuffled as far away from him as possible and am practically balancing on the edge of the mattress.

"_Its fine Stephen, We make a nice c..."_

He is coughing and sitting up in bed rubbing the bridge of his nose, he is suddenly very aware that we do make a cute couple and he was going to admit that. I can see he is trying to face an internal battle in that brain of his.

"_Yeh Bren we look good together"_

"_Ye...Ye we do...Stephen, Your not still scared of me are you?"_

"_No, why?"_

"_You couldn't get further away if you tried... Come here"_

So I do, I shift back to my place next to him and rest my head on his chest.

"_Goodnight Stephen"_

"_Night Bren"_

**Declan's POV**

I'm up and dressed and waiting for what my mum calls a "civilised" hour to go and wake Ste up. I really want to play footie and Dad has always been useless at it. Ste however is ok and I want to get to know him a bit better especially if he is going to be my Dad's boyfriend.

Its half 7. That's civilised, right? Well if not tough as I'm already at my Dad's bedroom door. I put my ear to the door. I don't want to walk in on any funny business. I have never seen my mum and Michael have sex, thank god, but I did hear them once. I wanted to throw up. I put my mp3 player on and earphones in and hit play. I put it at its maximum volume to drown out the sickening noise. Unfortunately, I had lent my mp3 to Padraig a week before and he had downloaded some shit Disney songs on there:

_Under the sea  
>Under the sea<br>Darling it's better  
>Down where it's wetter<br>Take it from me_

I try shaking my head in disgust to try and removed that memory from my mind. But right now in my dads room its silent. Just some snoring. Sorry I mean heavy breathing. I knock. No-one is answering.

I enter the room, it exactly the same as usual nothing out of place. There is nothing missing only something extra.

Ste.

Ste is asleep on his side with his knees bent up facing away from me. My dad is lying in exactly the same position just right behind him with his right arm draped over Ste's waist.

I clear my throat.

"_Ste...Oi...Ste"_

They both wake up groggily looking like they have barely slept. Dad is looking between me and Ste with a mixture of horror and shock. He is certainly heavy breathing now.

"_Hey dad, Ste you up for footie?"_

"_Yeah sure Declan, erm... give me a minute and I will come join you in the kitchen. We will have to go to mine quickly before we go to the park, need me trainers and a change of clothes."_

Dad is just sitting there resting on his elbows. Not saying a word.

"_Ok I'll wait outside. I will see you later, yeah Dad...Dad?"_


End file.
